If you have ever found yourself ‘catching’ someone else’s anxiety or smiling at a friend’s obvious good mood, you’ve experienced something known in psychology as emotional contagion.
The effect is particularly pronounced for strong emotions – both positive and negative – such as courage, awe, anger, fear, pride. When you experience someone else’s courage it can trigger your own, even if nothing else has changed. Fear can prompt the herd mentality seen in major financial market crashes.
Have you found yourself crying while watching a film or glowing with pride at a stranger’s sense of achievement?
We don’t have to be face to face to ‘catch emotions’. Research shows emotional contagion can be triggered by facial expressions, indirect human interactions, and/or by observing other people’s behaviour in direct and indirect interactions. Whilst it’s strongest talking face-to-face, you can pick up emotions from films, music, social media, a news report, a good book.
If you listen to, or support anyone, as a manager, coach, colleague, friend, sibling or parent this is important for you. Emotional contagion can be a very positive experience, but when it leads you to over-relate to other people’s negative emotions – a phenomenon know as ‘toxic empathy’.
Toxic empathy is when you don’t just mirror other people’s feelings, you absorb them
HTTPS://WWW.MYGBHP.COM/BLOG/WHAT-IS-TOXIC-EMPATHY
For example, feeling somewhat anxious for a friend when they’re stressed at work can be normal. But, if this anxiety keeps you from concentrating on your own life and the things you need to get done, it is considered to be toxic empathy.
It doesn’t necessarily help them either. By having too much empathy, you’d likely suffer along with your friend. As a result, you become exhausted or depressed. Then you might avoid visiting your friend. But if you feel compassion, you’re more likely to reach out.
All humans are susceptible, but some more than others. Our brains are wired for social connection. Mirror neurons are specialised neurons that help us form and maintain social connections by simulating other people’s emotions and experiences in our own brains.
So, what can you do to ‘catch emotions’ in a healthy way?
Here are five practical steps you can take – inspired by Natalie Watkins’ recent blog – reference below.
1. Be aware which emotions are yours
Try to understand which emotions came from your experience and which you are picking up from others’ reactions. Did you have a sudden change in mood? What triggered the change. Did something change in your environment, or could you be picking up someone else’s feelings? See whether someone else is feeling the same way you are right now. If you’re suddenly happy when everyone else is sad, it’s probably not. If you’re sitting with a friend who’s depressed and you start to feel sad, it may be. Have you started using someone else’s preferred phrases?
2. Set emotional boundaries
Decide what emotions you want to allow into your life and which ones you want to keep out. For example, if a close friend comes to tell you good news, you want to absorb their enthusiasm and joy so you don’t miss out on a lovely feeling or risk them feeling rejected. If your friend is depressed though, you probably don’t want all of the feelings associated with that to transfer onto you. You might be ok with feeling sad for them, but it won’t help either of you if you start feeling as hopeless and exhausted as they do.
Unresolved emotional pain is the great contagion of our time – of all time
Marc ian barasch
There are many ideas about how to do this. For example, create an internal monologue to remind you that this isn’t your feeling. Try saying to yourself, “This feeling isn’t mine. It belongs to … I can be aware of it without feeling it.”
3. Create physical boundaries
If you need to, create physical distance between yourself and the source of the emotional contagion. It might be as simple doing a ‘reset’ by as going for a walk around the block, or changing your clothes. Some organizations are creating quieter, more private areas in the workplace for introverts or employees who are particularly susceptible to emotional contagion to work in.
4. Talk about the issue directly
If you feel comfortable, talk to the person who is causing the emotional contagion and let them know how their emotions are affecting you. Usually, people who are spreading their emotions aren’t aware of it. It helps to avoid blame – so try naming what you notice. For example, “I notice I’m also starting to feel your anxiety for you – which probably isn’t that helpful. What would you like from me instead?” Or, “for some reason I seem to be picking up on your fear too”.
5. Remember that you share your emotions too
Be mindful of the emotions that you are expressing and how you maybe passing them on to others. Thinking about how your energy affects a group, can help you be a good friend. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t talk to others about your problems. In fact, it means the opposite. Talking about how you’re feeling helps other people understand what you’re going through and makes it easier for them to separate your feelings from their own.
We all cast a shadow – so maybe we can become more conscious of the impact it has on others.
You can make a bigger impact by actively sharing your happiness with the people you care about. Try telling them your good news, smiling when you’re happy, and talking about things that cheer you up.
natalie watkins, aug 2022
Further reading
Doherty, R. W. (1997). The emotional contagion scale: A measure of individual differences. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 21(2), 131–154.
Natalie Watkins @ http://www.socialself.com/blog/emotional-contagion
Tara Fountain and Nicholette Leanza @ http://www.mygbhp.com/blog/what-is-toxic-empathy
Fulfilling work 